Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
