I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
