Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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