Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
