Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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