morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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