Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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