If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it's great music for shaving your balls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
