I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
