yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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