Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
