Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
