Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
