I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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