Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
