did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
