I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
