she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
