I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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