the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just tell him i said nine months
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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