I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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