New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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