Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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