I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish you could order shots online.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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