so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
