Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
