Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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