if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need water and some morals
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
