oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
