Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
