I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
