In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
