Got a toothbrush?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
