I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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