How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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