it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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