So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
