its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
