I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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