Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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