my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
