im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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