Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
