Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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