Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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