from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
