so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
