btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
