No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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