bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
