mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to cum in my sink.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
