A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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