I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
