This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize