I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
