Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
