we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
