you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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