omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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