so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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