we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
