i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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