well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
