So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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