Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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