I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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