Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
