I am spending my child support on dildos
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
