i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
