i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
