i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
