Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
