O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
