I don't think brook has ever known best
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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