We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
