Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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