YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your shirt... Was in my pants
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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