i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
