Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
