All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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