Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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