Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
