Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
