All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
