We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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