i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
