Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
